You don't have to email this post to 7 people.

Today I received a "Chinese" Horoscope in my email. I am going to spare you the Magical Chain Letter Hex that it contained, and just post the good part. The 7th grade-esque "Ohmygod, who am I going to marry?" part. Because it totally nailed me. The horoscope, I mean. Not the guy I am going to mar - oh, hell. You get my point. It is an amazingly prescient chain letter! The first ever! And here it is...



Take 3 minutes - try this - it will freak you out!

1st. Get pen and paper

2nd. When choosing names, make sure they are real people that you actually know.

3rd. Go with your first instincts!!!!! Very important for good results.

4th. Scroll down one line at the time.




1. On a blank sheet of paper, write numbers 1 through 11 in a column on the left.












2. Beside the numbers 1 & 2, write down any 2 numbers you want.















3. Beside the numbers 3 & 7, write down the names of two members of the opposite sex.











Caution: do not look ahead or it will not turn out right!








4. Write anyone’s name (like friends or family) next to 4, 5, & 6.













5. Write down four song titles in 8, 9, 10, & 11.










Are you ready? Here is the key to the game.

Number 1 is your lucky number.
The number of people you must tell about this game is in space 2.
The person in space 3 is the one you love.
A person you like platonically is in space 7.
You care most about the person you put in space 4.
The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well.
The person you named in 6 is the your lucky star.

The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3.
The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7.
The 10th space is the song that tells you most about your mind.
And 11 is the song telling how you feel about life.




So, did it work for you? Did it blow your fragile little mind?

I am going to tell you my results, so that you can grasp this horoscope's amazing power and omniscience. The person I love is the guy I totally fell for on my business trip last month, and the song that matches him is (shut up in advance) I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore. The person I like platonically is my boss, which is correct. The song that corresponds to him is Slow Ride, which...hmmm. That song doesn't have anything to do with sex, right? Because that would gross me out. I only associate it with pot, which is actually appropriate for him. Moving on.

I care most about a girl friend who I have known since we were seven, and who has just moved back to the area. That works. The person who knows me very well is Poppy, and yes, we have spent many a night chugging down red wine together, so she does know me very well. My "lucky star" (blech) is a female cousin who I do have quite a special relationship with.

Okay, here is the part where you will laugh and laugh and pee yourself. The song that "tells me the most about my mind" is Yankee Doodle Dandy (does this mean that I am simple and child-like?!), and the song "telling me how I feel about life" is Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon.

Happy Friday, everyone!