Stupid urban plunger

Gah!! I have broken my toilet! Stupid urban plumbing! And I went out to the little supermarket nearby to get a plunger and the only ones they sold were tiny, and by that I mean that the actual round plunging thing is tiny, which is totally unhelpful, but also that the handle is short. The handle! That can only lead to disgustingness.

Of course I bought it anyway, because I was desperate. And of course it did nothing. Why would the store not sell normal-sized plungers? Just because, in a city, we have small apartments and bathrooms, that doesn't mean that they contain mini, dollhouse-sized toilets! For god's sake, I need an effective toilet apparatus, stat! Preferably something Costco-sized.

To top it all off, my bathtub faucet picked last night to get all tight and unturnable, so that when I went to take a shower about half the water came out the shower nozzle and the other half kept coming out of the tub faucet. So I told the building manager about it as I left for work, and he said it will be fixed today, but now I am all freaked out that somehow, inexplicably, the repairman will need to fix it through the toilet pipes, and he will discover that I have broken my toilet too!

I know I am being totally ridiculous and hysterical about this, that everybody breaks the toilet sometimes, and that it is not a moral failing on my part, but still. I am aware that I am insane and neurotic. Let me be.