doom blech blurgh

ONE

Things I have ingested since this morning in an effort to cure my PMS-induced headache:

--2 Advils
--water
--raisin bread with cheese
--1 can diet coke
--water
--water
--apple
--2 aspirins
--salad with chicken strips
--iced mocha
--water
--12 M&Ms
--water
--water
--more diet coke
--lots more diet coke

Way I would categorize the current state of said headache, objectively:

--killmenowpleasegodpleaseplease

and also:

--why WHY WHY? Why am I not a man? Just for today. Death doom pain blinding white light argh death please.

*pinches forehead between fingers for temporary relief from the construction crew jackhammering inside skull*



TWO

[Boss's name], please don't speak to me as if I were A) 9 years old, and B) retarded. I assume you know, since you HIRED ME, that I am neither. My decreased work function today can be directly attributed to the construction crew jackhammering inside my skull. And also, the fact that I want to kill you a whole lot right now. By any chance, can you feel rays of hatred all over you? That's right, those are coming from me.