IMs Gone Wild!

Along with a pretty productive day of doing my actual paid work, I had a long, protracted IM conversation with the Chicago coworker. I thank him for making the day fly by.


Him: well, how did it go last night?

Me: barftastic, thanks for asking.

Him: what - is that good or bad??
Him: i mean the Slash thing and all
Him: does that mean you partied a lot?

Me: ha. Well, nothing catastrophic happened. The food was good. But i am really REALLY not interested. Had to keep dodging his offers of getting together next weekend.
Me: Can I get your opinion? At the end he said he'd call me later in the week. Do i have to, like, break up with him over the phone after 1 date, or is it acceptable for me to not return his call? (Both sound awful.)

Him: you need to have me over so i can answer the phone. Enraptured. He'll never call again.

Me: !!! What will you say? !!!

Him: I’ll act like it's hard to breathe and it won't matter what i say...

Me: you are cracking me up!
Me: oh, what would [Boss] say...

Him: you tell me...but you need to be straight with the guy.. Sooner or later you have to deliver the same message, so why not immediately?

Me: hmmm. Yes, okay. I will come out and say "I don't feel like we've really hit it off" and that I'm "not interested." That sounds so cliche and harsh though! Ack.

Him: Wanna hear something harsher??? He thinks there's a shot and he's psyched..and there isn't

Me: i know. Believe me, i have been the one who took the guy at his word when he said he had a great time and would call, and never did! Dating is crap. I need a mail-order husband.

Him: you really want one?

Me: totally. Preferably one who cooks and cleans. Maybe i need a wife.

Him: wow

Me: don't even pretend to be all shocked, you caveman.

Him: oh my god
Him: maybe you'd better take his calls

Me: ??? Are you saying that i have an unattainable dream?

Him: well....that’s hard to say as we've never met

Me: i think we met once – [Boss] brought you into our office for 1 sec. I see that i made a deep and lasting impression.

Him: that was you?

Me: i want whatever drugs you are on

Him: yes you do

*pause, during which I assume he IMs my boss, who is sitting ten feet from me*

Him: [Boss] says i'm harassing you and that you will sue us

Me: that depends on what the definition of "is" is

Him: you know as well as i
Him: so when is my stationary coming?

Me: it is there - just tracked it on FedEx and the receptionist has signed for it

Him: stalker

Me: ha. It’s the good kind of stalking

Him: I am having a riot doing this....most artists are a bit grim

Me: ah yes, the tortured soul of the contemporary artist.


And now there is only an hour until I get to go home. Good times.