Sad, sad, singleton foods

I bought a box of White Castle frozen mini hamburgers, because I am a 25-year-old woman with the soul of a 38-year-old divorced man, and I eat a lot of frozen dinners. It is embarrassing but true. I got this personality quirk from my father, who, when he was a 38-year-old divorced man, spent an entire year living on salads from the Giant grocery store salad bar, canned soup, cereal, Hungry Man frozen dinners, and Slim Fast shakes. (I swear I am not making this up.) It is a wonder he never got scurvy, and Thank God he met/married my stepmother, who is southern, and cooks meals that do not include, for example, "mono-diglycerides" (read from an actual food box in my kitchen).

Anyway, I was very excited about my new adorable teeny burgers, but who would have thought that they'd involve actual cooking?! These are verbatim instructions from the box:

1. Preheat oven to 350F.
2. Barely cover bottom of the broiler pan with steaming hot water.
3. Place the slotted portion of the broiler pan on top of steaming water.
4. Remove frozen cheeseburger(s) [and who are they kidding? nobody could eat just one] from wrapper, separate, and place on slotted broiler pan.
5. Cover cheeseburger(s) and slotted portion of broiler pan with foil and seal tightly.
6. Heat for 15-20 minutes.
7. After heating, let pan sit for 2 minutes before removing foil.

First of all, "broiler pan?" This is way classier than any kitchen accoutrements I own. I had to improvise by putting the water in the bottom of a small frying pan, putting the burgers in my pasta strainer which I balanced on the rim of the pan, and stuffing foil down around the strainer's interior.  The whole contraption just barely fit into the oven, and I don't mind telling you that it was hard, sweaty work.

However, this was a mighty tasty burger (tm Pulp Fiction). The buns were actually sort of crunchy, which is impressive for something that comes from a box. It was like a little taste of Ohio, right in my kitchen.