Dec 2, 2004

I AM the daytime wife, after all...

When I went to see that orthopedist the other week about my shoulder, he gave me these anti-inflammatory pills to take and told me to start going to physical therapy in about two weeks, but not to go if my shoulder still wasn't better. Well, my appointment is almost here but my stupid shoulder is still not better. So I called the doctor up just now and left him a message asking him what I should do next, and when I hung up the phone, my boss, who, as you know, sits ten feet away, goes, "Well that sucks." I said yeah, and I told him a story about how I was reaching for the laundry detergent recently on a shelf in the closet, and when I started pulling it down it was way too heavy for my shoulder and there was a big pain and I had to drop the jug, so I know that things are still far from healed.

He was all, "You might have to quit painting," and I said that I'll just have to start using my left hand or something. So he tells me this big story about some North Carolina basketball dude who was interviewed on national TV about how he managed to play so well after a big game, where he was defending the hoop with either hand, and his answer was: "I don't know. I'm just amphibious!" And apparently that became a really famous quote, especially in North Carolina, where it is still used to this day when someone is trying to explain how they managed to pull something off unexpectedly.

My boss has told me this story before, but I laughed anyway, because I am a nice person. Also because he subsidizes my lifestyle, but that is secondary to my being a nice person. Really!

So anyway, then I was like, "You know, I still have not gone back to the gym. Can you give me a mantra or something?" because he too goes in cycles as far as eating well and exercising, so we frequently bitch to each other about how fat we are getting (although neither of us could be called "fat" by any measure, so really we are just being all junior-high-girly, all "ooh, please tell me I'm not fat," which, yes, is lame).

And he goes, "How 'bout this: I've been working out, so I'm losing weight. So I'm getting hotter and you're not." Well, ouch. And DAMN, this is one good mantra. We both cracked up, and I was like, "Geez, I thought you were going to have to think about it for a while! Have you been waiting to be able to say that?"

He denied it but I know he has. Wily man!

Anyway, then work (work?) fell to the side and we just went off on it.

"You're going to have to hire a hotter assistant, to match you!"
"Yeah! 'Sorry, but you don't fit the company image anymore, so...' "
"Next you will hire two hot assistants, like on Ally McBeal or something!"
"Ha ha ha! Oh, don't worry, there's just more of you to love!"
"Ha ha ha - oh."

Me: [Five minutes later, in a tiny voice] You don't really think I'm getting fat, do you?
Him: [Wishing he had stayed home today] ARGH.

Heh. I am just kidding around, but it's funny to watch him squirm.