I will never sleep again!

Oh man, I had the worst dream last night. I dreamt that I woke up one morning pregnant. And not, like, "oh, I was older and married and we wanted a baby and yay, one morning I woke up and was pregnant!" No, more like "I woke up on a normal, present-day morning and had a HUGE PREGNANT BELLY."

It was petrifying. I was pretty far along (I have no idea what the timelines are for these things), and my stomach was all solid and beach bally, and the next thing I knew I was going to a family party thingy. In real life, if I showed up (unmarried and at my age) pregnant at a family thingy, I am sure I would be disowned and cast aside all Tess-of-the-d'Urbervilles style, but for some reason in my dream all the relatives were totally happy that I was knocked up, and I was the only one remotely freaked out. People kept cooing over me and asking me when I was due, and I was like, "I didn't even know I was pregnant! I just finished my period [sorry, TMI, but relevant to the dream]!" And everyone was completely off their heads and saying things like "That's all right," and "There, there," neither of which have ever been uttered by anyone I am even remotely related to.

ALSO, in my dream it suddenly occurred to me that there was a father involved, and I decided to call him and tell him that I was hugely pregnant, but then I didn't know who he was so I just stared stupidly at my cell phone, and then I realized that I was going to be all alone and pregnant and I started crying.

So it was not a very good dream.

Then I woke up, and you can bet that the very first thing I did was to grab for my stomach. Never have I been happier to feel a non-pregnant fleshy stomach than I was this morning. Ah, sweet insulating flab, you are too good to me.